I did not state that the track time of any of these cars was relevant to the majority of owners. I stated that track times were more relevant than 0-60mph times in determining how quick a car really is, as this is the determining factor in mini5lover's decision on which car to have.
I agree, all the cars listed are perfectly capable of overtaking a red Rover 214i doing 40mph on an A road, which is why most people do not care about any small difference between them (myself included). But this thread started on the premise that the R56 S was slower than the R53, and has gone back and forth with people agreeing and disagreeing. I suggested mini5lover go to a track with Swiper and an R56 S to finally see which one is quicker so she can decide what to buy and we can all go back to not caring.
However, I think you are on to something. You should write to Top Gear and suggest that instead of taking each car around the Top Gear track to see which is the quickest, the Stig should drive to local supermarkets as it is more relevant to everyday driving.
Oh, and don't talk about comparing genitalia - it's a load of b*llocks.
