I'm deeply sorry for this, but someone has to put the mood for tomorrow's USA MINI day in writing. And it probably shouldn't be me. With all apologies to the Bard, British literature and the English speaking world...
The Scene: 3/22, 8:55 am, A crowd outside a MINI dealership somewhere in America.
The Moderator Approaches...
Basil: O that we now had here But one ten thousand of those MINIs in England That do no motoring today.
Moderator Mullet: What's that he wishes so? My cousin Basil? No, my fair Ozzie cousin: If we are marked to pay too much, we have enow To do our country loss: and if to buy at MSRP, the fewer MINIs the greater share of honour. God's will, I pray thee wish not one MINI more. By BMW, I am not covetous of dollars, Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost: It earns me not if men my driving gloves wear; Such outward things dwell not in my desires. But if it be a sin to covet a MINI, I am the most offending soul alive. No faith, my coz, wish not a MINI from England: God's peace, I would not lose so great an honour, As one MINI more, methinks, would share from me. For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more: Rather proclaim it Basil, through my MINI2 host, That he who hath no stomach to this sale, Let him depart, his Civic shall be made, And bucks for gas fare put into his purse: We would not buy in that man's company That fears his fellowship to buy with us. This day is called the Sale of Cooper: He that outbuys this day, and drives home safe, Will stand tip-toe when this day is named, And rouse him at the name of Cooper. He that shall buy this day, and live old age, will yearly on the vigil feast his commuters, And say, "To-morrow is MINI Cooper." Then he will open his checkbook, and show his balance, And say, "These wounds I had on Cooper's day." Old drivers forget; yet all shall be forgot, But he'll remember, with advantages, What bargains he haggled that day. Then shall our names, Familiar in his mouth as household words, Mullet the Moderator, S2000&CooperS, Sejanus and KarmonS, KShapiro and Gromit, Be in their flowing cups freshly remembered. This story shall the poor man teach his son: And MINI Cooper shall ne'er drive by, From this day to the ending of the world, But we in it shall be remembered; We few, we happy few, we band of motorers: For he to-day that sheds his money with me Shall be my brother: be he ne'er so broke, This day shall gentle his condition. And Motorers in England, now a-bed, Shall think themselves accursed they were not here; And hold their MINI's cheap, whiles any speaks that bought with us upon MINI Cooper's day.
I am so ashamed.