Electrical Problems - Wipers, lights, locks, windows fans, r/c/l, battery drain HELP!

[MIGHTYMINI]

Hello everyone,

I have just got an 02 plate mini cooper, which i love, however it is infested with electrical gremlins and I am hoping that somebody on this forum canhelp me out!!

Basically yesterday, I shoot the car with the remote key and ...

The door didnt unlock and the Drivers side indicator came on and stayed on, no flashing.
I unlock the door with the key, no other locks activate.
I start the car; the headlights are on permanently?
The interior heater fan dips down in speed occasionally
The indicators, wiper, fan recirc and heated rear window buttons, full beams, spots, locks, elec windows etc do not work, all that works on the centre console is a dipping fan and the radio.

I turn the car off, lock the door and the indicator stayed on and ran the battery flat.

So i called the AA as i was hoping he could diagnose an earthing fault or something.

He recharged the battery and to his credit spent a good couple of hours checking the earthing points all over the car, engine, body and chassis. he also (as i did) inspected the fuse and relay box to no avail.

I am taking it to B&R garages in Tremorfa, Cardiff today to be plugged into a dignostic as i feel like i have no other choice. I am fairly handy with a spanner and would like to fix it myself if anyone has any ideas.
I looked through the service history and it said a wire was fixed under warranty under the passenger seat a few years back to cure an unknown set of elec faults. The car has been stood for a bout 3 months and i think it may have got a bit damp (at a guess)

Any help really really appreciated and i lok forward to being a part of this forum.