OGMC (you know who you are)

[MetalMiniMayhem]

yeah, neither is mine.. my hearing is horrid..

let's see... qualifying attributes..

1) I have a pacemaker
2) crotchety old curmudgen.. or so I hear.. from everyone.. including my parents..
3) generally disliked by the YG's..

.... to quote Jerry Stiller in "Zoolander"..

"I have a prostate the size of a grapefruit and a head full of bad memories"

[yellowmininy]

Derek, I think the pacemaker alone gives you a big head start! And then when you start working with Jock, well,...

[holdenontoit]

HEY! I RESEMBLE THAT REMARK!!!!

[yellowmininy]

Eh?

[Actual Size]

What?

[MetalMiniMayhem]

Quote: Originally Posted by yellowmininy (original)

Eh?

Quote: Originally Posted by Actual Size (original)

What?

Let's juxtapoze those two and it's perfect...


"Eh?... WHAT?"

[MetalMiniMayhem]

I NEED that as a bumper sticker...

[snek]

Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the mirror dressed in my panties and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.

When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months.

I told him to stop or I would leave him. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant.

I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Sheila


Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps.

Walter

[MaxaMiniBro]

Or when men write to advice columnists. To wit...

Dear Abby,


I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice.

I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs… phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with "the girls" a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with "the girls". It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head.


Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it?

Signed,

Perplexed

[Actual Size]

[Actual Size]

Do all the senior multi-vitamins really have to be colored grey?

[snek]

Why, you can't see them?

[MaxaMiniBro]

1. Her Diary


"Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink.


I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.


Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk.


He agreed but he kept quiet and absent.


I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing.


I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.


He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.


On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled & kept driving.

I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say I love you too.


When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.


He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed.


About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted & his thoughts were somewhere else.

He fell asleep and I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster."



2. His Diary


"I shot the worst round of golf in my life today, but at least I got laid.

[MAXAMAMA]

And I get to spend 4 days with you next weekend!!???? It's going to be a very long 4 days!

[holdenontoit]

Quote: Originally Posted by MAXAMAMA (original)

And I get to spend 4 days with you next weekend!!???? It's going to be a very long 4 days!

hey mart, long time no hear! It'll be up to you to keep Bert in line.........good luck with that!

Jock