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www.totalmini*****
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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline......
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2
for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and
6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you
want. Stay on the
line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be
transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small
voice will tell you which
number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which
number you press, no
one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the
pound key until a
representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name,
address, telephone number,
date of birth, social security number, and your
mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-
y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y
press 0.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message
after the beep or before the
beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please h! ang up. All
operators are too busy to
talk to you.
"If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lay
down & cry. You won't
be crazy forever.
If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just
mess it up.
 
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AidenL
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