[Third_Time_Lucky]

... I hate that new NHTSA mandated safety feature that all standards have since I stopped driving them. You know the one. The one that makes the brake lights on the car in front of you go on every time you upshift. Must be Bluetooth. ...

We don't have that here ... I think the nearest equivalent would be the "40 everywhere" speed governer, which causes the car in front to accelerate very slowly to 40 mph in 60mph limits, brake for any sort of perceived hazard (a bend you could go round at triple figures, a vehicle coming the other way, ooh, a cloud, etc) so they hold you up*, then carry on in 20/30 limits, past schools etc at undiminished speed.

* don't try to pass them though: being a self appointed road captain means they're the final arbiter of what's "safe" means its fine for them to try and put you in a ditch, or get up to triple digit speeds to pass you, brake test you & post the footage from their camwuh!!! camwuh!!!! on youtube